What's My Name?

I believe any self-respecting animal, when brought into a household, will see that it earns itself at least two to three serviceable nicknames.

That's just a starting point. Additional nicknames can be dispensed according to the animal's propensity for mischief and hijinks.

The Great Sage James Lipton Speaks

Can we just retire the word "sexting" and all media coverage thereof?

This morning, the top headline on IndyStar.com read "Poll: Sexting common among young people / Teens do not think about the consequences of sharing racy images, experts say." Earlier this week, the Today Show ran yet another segment on the dangers of "sexting," designed to frighten mothers everywhere with the tale of a teen who committed suicide after her racy photos were exposed to peers. Or something. I'll admit, I left the room when I saw her mother sitting on the couch with Meredith Vieira.

A tragic story, no doubt, but dirty pictures don't actually kill anyone. To draw a direct line between hitting "send" and ending one's life is a gross oversimplification of the complex tragedy of teen suicide.

New Favorite Word: Accessory

Mystery = solved. I was hoping it would be something crazy, like an inferior twin I had absorbed while we were competing for resources in the womb, but an extra rib is probably the next-best thing.

Turns out this "neck mass" has been there all along. It's an accessory first rib or cervical rib—an extra rib bone that lives above where a normal human's first rib would be. The head and neck specialist I saw today said I was born with it and I will go the rest of my life with it, and there is almost no chance it will ever become symptomatic. He described it as "a rare, but not unheard-of, anatomical abnormality."

So You Think You Can...Squeal

I'm gonna go ahead and be one of those people and say I liked So You Think You Can Dance better before it was cool.

I have a severe lady-crush on Cat Deeley, so it will be pretty tough to get me to stop watching. But it's like they're trying to lose me.

New Least-Favorite Word: Mass

I was hoping the "IV" on the door was Roman numerals. I was not so lucky.

"IV" meant that for the second time in a month, a needle was going into my arm, sending me into what I'm guessing is a mild form of panic attack.

Apparently CT scans can be done with or without a "contrast medium" - an iodine-based substance that highlights the patient's blood vessels on the scanned image. Mine required the contrast.

The CT scan will hopefully help my doctor identify a mysterious knotty mass in the right side of my neck. A blood test (panic attack #1) showed normal white blood cell counts, ruling out lymphoma, which appeared to be the first and/or worst concern. I'm not clear on what that leaves, but apparently the imaging will narrow it down.

Insert Witty Balloon Pun Here

Stumbled upon this today:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/talk/2009/10/what_fate_for_balloon_boys_par.html

"[S]hould the parents be somehow punished?"

Should they? Sure. But how do you go about punishing these people?

This family sought out to orchestrate a large-scale publicity stunt in pursuit of a reality TV show deal, and to date they've gotten about six days of wall-to-wall national coverage and a splash of international attention. Unless a judge bars the family from coming into contact with a video camera for the rest of their days, there's no punishment on earth that would make them regret the stunt or deter other fame-seekers from trying to match or even outdo them.

Networks are undoubtedly biding their time until they can assess where the legal chips are going to fall, gauge the ongoing public interest, and see if the family's asking price will go down. Then they'll pay any debts owed to the authorities for the costs of the rescue operation and the show will air somewhere between Kate + 8 and the Duggar family trainwreck.

Punish them? It can't be done.

Is that a real question?

My new favorite phrase: Let's follow that thought to its logical conclusion.

This afternoon's HARO email included the following query from a Fox News writer:

1) With "Bruno" coming out, are the stereotypes Sacha Baron Cohen perpetuating bad for the gay community -- just as strides are being made in areas like gay marriage; 2) Just what groups *are* ok to laugh at any more -- has PC-ism changed comedy?

WRT #1: Fair enough, I guess. It assumes the premise that Cohen is perpetuating stereotypes, which could be argued, but meh.

What I'm really curious about is #2. What is the real question being asked here? What constitutes "ok"?

Are you asking whether there are any groups humorists can mock or belittle without fear of offending anyone? Because the answer would, of course, be "no." Of course there aren't. Are you talking about satire? Aiming for a higher concept may offend fewer, but surely there are some in the audience who will miss the point, and others who get the joke but still take offense.

Are you talking about laughing at bad gay jokes in the breakroom? Actual government censorship?

The question seeks to lead the answerer to the conclusion that political correctness has had a censoring effect on comedy, and that this is bad. (Which, by the way, is not supported by the existence of the movie cited in question #1.) As a representative of a network that's regularly seen to be in league with the types of people featured in the video at http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2009/06/video_rabid_letterman_protesto.html, is the writer suggesting that the world would be a funnier place if the David Lettermans of the world were making more jokes about whichever Palin daughter? Doubt it.